that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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