Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
