Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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