I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
