he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
