Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
