someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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