Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want to fling myself into the sun
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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