She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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