she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy