I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"