her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
