I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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