If i come over, it means nothing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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