My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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