He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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