well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
