T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
