Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
