i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
