i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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