i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
