I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
