just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
