I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
