everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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