I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
