Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
