i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
