it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
