I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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