Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
