so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
