I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
