he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
