i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize