You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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