I have demons in me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
