so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
