is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
