My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
