I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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