You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
