Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
