There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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