Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
