you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
