I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
