I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
