My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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