She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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