"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
