I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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