Where is the hickey?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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