I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
