at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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