I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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