dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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