Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
