The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
