You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
