i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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