Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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