Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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