Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
