# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
