guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
