so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
