good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
