I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
