i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
