i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
