so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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