I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Four minutes until I can fart!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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