I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
