how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
