Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize