dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
