Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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